I’m sitting in direct view of six clocks.  If I were willing to stand up I could easily take in another three.  I’m including the cable box clock in my first count.  It should be noted here that the VCR sitting under the cable box isn’t showing the time in its liquid crystal display.  The old lady who owns this house never learned to program it.  And I wouldn’t even count home electronics but the cable box is remarkable in that it’s the only clock in view even remotely telling the correct time.  Bravo Time Warner.

The grandfather clock pictured here is just one of my mom’s clocks within view.  Even without my glasses I can see from here it’s two hours behind.  Actually, I don’t think the hands are moving.  And that’s a good thing because several of these clocks sound their alarms all at once in a spasmodic chorus of off-time bells.  Dozens of angels must get their wings by the hour around here.  Why do old people surround themselves with so many clocks?

I bet I didn’t even need to inform you I was at an older person’s home after describing the multitudes of clocks.  You would have figured I was at my mom’s house because everybody knows old people collect clocks.  But does anyone know why?  And should I read anything into the fact so many are telling incorrect time?

I know my mom doesn’t have Alzhiemers.  She’s not only a world class bridge player who could very likely kick Bill Gates’ ass, but she’s constantly doing math in her head.  She counts the collections at church in her head while a second person reconciles it on paper.  So what’s the deal with the clocks being off?  My best guess is she is geared to only looking at a couple of the more accurate time pieces in key strategic locations around the house.  I guess I should just be happy she doesn’t collect cats.